If you’ve every wondered how you can break your own heart I think I’ve found the perfect DIY recipe.
I once heard a saying that went something like; “the biggest cause of problems in relationships in unmet expectations”. I think this is absolutely true and to take it a step further I’d like to add; “unspoken expectations”.
Scenario: My significant other and I had made plans to spend a day together. We had to plan it about three weeks out due to work conflicts. I built in up in my head, just the two of us, lunch maybe a movie … a little shopping? Who knows! I was EXCITED at the possibilities.
The day the day arrives and it’s all ours! We started out a little later than planned but we were on our way! We barely made it five minutes when we figure out that our expectations for the day were VERY different. My all day outing bubble was burst when I was informed that the leaves needed to be raked and the lawn needed to be mowed. I shut down (only momentarily). Some back and forth and little arguing ensued, my heart was broken! Some time later we were back on track with similar expectations and we had a good time (of course I’m leaving out all of the gory details).
No but seriously! My heart was broken! I had built up in my head how I wanted it to go and when it was made clear that it was not going to go that way, I felt let down. It was really easy to blame my partner for my feelings and for a few seconds I really wanted to, but I knew it was my own doing that made me feel this way.
So that’s the recipe, just one ingredient. Don’t speak your expectations and you will get a broken heart in no time.
On the other hand ….
If you want a rewarding and fulfilling relationship that recipe is a little different:
- Don’t hesitate to ask for what you want and learn to be okay with not always getting it.
- Be open to negotiating there are two people in this relationship, both are equally important!
- Talk with you partner about how you are feeling (don’t keep that crap in it only causes problems)
- Tell you partner how they can help, someone who loves you wants to be helpful
- Listen to your partner in the same way… treat them how you want to be treated, listen to them the way you want to be listened to.
Life is way too short to be upset. Most people in healthily relationships really do want to help the other person be happy. They last thing most people want to do is to feel upset or upset the person they are in a relationship with.
If you feel upset in your relationship right now ask yourself these questions: “Do I have unspoken expectations?” “Have a told my partner how I feel?” “How can I express to my partner how they can help me?”
Be happy friends, choose happiness, don’t waste time being upset especially if there are things you can do to change it.
Presently processing: my responsibility in preventing my broken heart.
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