You hurt me. I’m only writing this to get it off of my chest because I have been reeling for months. The emotional ups and downs I have been experiencing are like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. You abandoned me at a time when I needed a friend the most and for what? You couldn’t even be decent enough to tell me. The only thing that I ever did was bring up a concern I had over some work related matter and somehow I lost my friend shortly after? What did I do? Give too much? Try to hard? Show up too often? I mean seriously … after everything…. EVERYTHING?! I’m so glad that I could add so much to your life and you could so easily rip so much away from mine. You are not the person I thought you were, I realize that now and how I wish that made me miss you less but it doesn’t. I’ve got this constant battle going on in my head where I want to wish bad things would happen to you and immediately talk myself out of it and send love and positivity into the open space between us instead because that who I am and I won’t let anyone or anything take that away from me. I deserved better, so much better, but no matter how many times I tell myself that I can’t bring myself to believe it… yet. The only thing I can believe is that I am a fool for trusting someone again, for loving someone again, for wanting a real friendship in my life. I know I won’t believe that forever, but it is what is true for now. I want nothing more than to move on from this to get some closure but not getting closure is an old familiar feeling for me, so I’m taking all of this in, I’m processing every last bit of this as painful as it is because I will become stronger because of it, someday soon you will become just another lesson learned but for now you are the crack in my heart that is taking it’s time to heal. My hope is that a heart that is mended slowly is a heart that is mended completely. I truly hope life gives you everything you deserve; more good than bad, more laughter than tears. There are things about our friendship that I am grateful for, even though those memories are painful too remember now I will look back on them with fondness someday, so thank you for that. And thank you for showing up in the ways you did when you did. Goodbye.
Presently processing heartbreak.
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