I’ve been wondering something about myself. Sometimes I get this feeling inside of myself that says simply “this doesn’t feel right”. It happens in all kinds of situations. So I’m presently processing the difference between my comfort level and my intuition. I’d like to know the difference.
I was with someone who was a friend at the time and they were being mean. Not the kind of playful “mean” that friends do sometimes, but they gut wrenching, “this hurts and I don’t know how to handle it”, mean. This feeling crept in more than once over the span of our relationship. It had been a long time since I had the trust to call anyone my friend so I wrote it off as just being uncomfortable with the feeling. This person was exceedingly kind, willing to go the extra mile to show that they cared, the problem had to be with me. Fast forward quite a few months and this friend betrayed me. Hind-sight being 20/20 and all I flashed back to those moments where I felt my inner being begging to be listened to. What I realized is that there were so many moments when I already knew how this relationship was going to end, but I ignored it. I hadn’t had anyone in close proximity to me that I could have even considered a real friend in a long time, this was the closest I’d come in years, I had to ignore it. My human feelings of being lonely had become too uncomfortable and I could no longer bear it. Not feeling lonely felt better than knowing something wasn’t right. I ignored every instance of hurt, every sharp pang that told me this doesn’t feel right and I slipped and fell on my face. I got hurt, exactly like I knew I would.
So, I’m wondering, do other people experience this as well?
What’s the difference between, “this doesn’t feel right” and “this doesn’t feel right.”? We’ve become such creatures of comfort that we even shield ourselves from feeling things that we don’t like to feel. We close our eyes to the larger world and stay inside the bubbles we have created for ourselves. I’m going to try that phrase again; “This doesn’t feel right“. It reads differently when I highlight that last word. “Right”. As in maybe, it doesn’t fit into my bubble, it’s out of the ordinary, it’s not comfortable. If someone switches your pillow for a different one as soon as you lay your head on it you will know it’s not the right pillow. If you eat taco’s every Tuesday and one Tuesday instead, you eat meatloaf, that’s just now right on so many levels. We like what our human part has become comfortable with and we don’t like what our human is uncomfortable with.
One more time: “This doesn’t feel right”. Have you ever met someone and just had that feeling that they were not a “good” person, you know the one where you can almost picture a giant prohibition sign, the universal symbol for “no”, right over their face? Have you ever been somewhere and got the sudden urge to leave, not because your inner introvert was telling you to leave but because something deeper than you human emotions was telling you it was time to go. That’s intuition and that’s what we need to listen to.
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